My name is Ashwin Kumar. I’m 41, a husband and a father, and I’m still failing at trading. Three years in. It’s like a freaking addiction I couldn’t leave.
For years I said trading was gambling, a sham. Then I took a home loan, my wife kept nudging me to look into it, and one day I got pulled in. The only saving grace: at 41, with a kid and an EMI eating half my salary, I had a bit more maturity than a 22-year-old torching a $10k account. I played small. But the intensity — the why I needed this — was fking sharp.
And then it started. Demand and supply, Ichimoku, Alligator, Bollinger, ICT, pivots, options Greeks, volume profile, 200 SMA, 9-21 EMA, ORB — I jumped from one branch to the next like a monkey. It was always the strategy’s fault. Never mine.
I lost $3,000 of my own money. A thousand of it a refinanced personal loan — taking a loan to trade is the absolute low. I watched my family carry my decisions. That’s a specific kind of pain I won’t dress up.
So I stopped trading my own money and found prop firms. Someone else’s money — I can take any risk. LaLa land. I blew another $3,000 in two years. Once blew an evaluation in fifteen minutes. I was an addict monkey clicking for treats.
Here’s the part that stings: my reads were getting good. I’d catch real bangers and then kill the account by a thousand cuts. If I’d just sat on my hands, I’d have had a payout long ago. I still don’t.
Mindfulness worked — until I traded. That’s when I knew I had to throw a mirror at myself, and that willpower was never coming to save me. I’m a PM — 14 years building digital products — and the one thing I know is you don’t will people into good behavior. You design the environment so the right thing is the easy thing. So I stopped trying to out-willpower myself and started building cages.
(Yes, I vibe-coded it with Claude. No regrets. Don’t ask me a technical question — I’ll fail miserably. What I won’t fail at is shipping a classy product that actually gets the problem, because I am the problem it solves. And I’m not here to please anyone. I built this for me.)